ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
