I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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