it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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