Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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