U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
