So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
