i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
