and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
