So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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