I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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