New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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