State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
