i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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