im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize