I want to have your abortion
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Even my vagina gasped.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
