At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
