i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
