i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
