like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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