he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
