Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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