I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
