Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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