he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
