pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
