Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
