The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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