Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize