the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
