...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
