she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
