And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
