WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
