yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
