Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
