if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just high enough for therapy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Shame is for Republicans.
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