I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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