so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
