there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
