Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
