she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Come on in and take your pants off
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