you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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