Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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