When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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