the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
