u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize