R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
