You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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