My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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