smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
