This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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