the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
there was a trapeze. enough said
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
