my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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