Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
