I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
