Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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