He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
