I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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