Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
