Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
