brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
