Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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