Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize