I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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