I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
