Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need to align my fucking chakras
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize