Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
