If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
