We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
