If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Let's paint friendship bongs
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
