You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
