I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize