just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
