I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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