I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
