Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
