How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
