DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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