it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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