Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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