I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
