things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
