Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
